बेक तो डे ओने अगेन

Was going to write yesterday but was too depressed so after an hour at the beach I came home and went to bed with a bottle of champayne and a valium. My boyfriend had bought me three presents for xmas all of which i already head. He had said he would book me inot a day spa or a trip to bali but i goe neither so after saying thankyou but i have them he went off to JB hi Fi and came to my house with the super bloody woofer cd player that looks like it should be in a monara or a bogan superb. Its great sound but i have a minimalistic house and like sleek lines and i was tired of making any intimate efforst towards thim so i spacked it and said I cant be trated like this. I mean if your partner cant love you and adore you and priase you and think your fantastic rather then keep throwing your mistakes in your face then who wants an enemy so i tucked into bed as work hadnt called and i listened to my self esteem tape and read Justin Heralds book Just Do It and that put me to sleep . I have to find my own happiness so today I went for a walk along three beach and a early swim with my walking partner and then went to the gym and did a step wokout which nearly killed me, went to buy some paints to enter The Archibald Animal Portraitur prise. I was spurred on when I saw Robert Juniper was judging it as last year he gave me a HIghly recommended for my fabulous paininting of a sausage dog called CLOUD. So got two canvas and some more paints and gor a fab picute of a dog called cooper but nicknamed KILLER as he tried to scoff my coffeee on the way home from the beach this am and i am going to paint him and my cat SARAH. I then got word my parents might pop in this afternnon. I have seen them twice this year and they gave the three of us a 100 voucher for christmas so thats 33.33 dollars each to blow. I am a single parent with no extra help just for once you would think they might help out a bit.. But I gusess people dont change. They ghave made me a great mum thats all I know. Anyway I have poured a wine the boy has not contacteded me for 2 days since i text shoould we go for a walk and swim and he text back NO. Nothing more he ovbiously dosent wish to sort thiungs out. He also told me I should stick to plans and not keep changing them and he got huffy when I said Please pull over here x2 as I saw friends on the side of the road on xmAS day and he haffed and he puffed....... anyway I have poured a glass and am going to have a cat nap before facing the negative parents who will ask me why I am not working. They think I should work every day.. I am only dreaming of Kythira and painting and tonight Izzy gets her TEE results so am praying she gets into VET. She deserves too as she is bright and a good kid and I love her madly.... Tilly on the other hand is on the mend after spending xmas in Casualty with a temp of39.8 and has been at a friends so I am home on my own and I love it.. At step class I felt so miserable I wounder when a year is up of my last insurance policy i took out.................

डे डे तवो

Well its Sunday and I didn't get called into work so i listened to my self esteem tapes twice over. Had to listen to it again as I had fallen back to sleep. Its funny how you after listening to them feel somewhat enlightened. I had to drop Izzy at work and on the way a friend text and said we are at the beach come down so I suggested it to the boyfriend and he cracked it saying sometimes you have to stick to plans not change them willy nilly. Oh for goodness sake i said we have all day to do nothing so a quick call into see some friends wont matter. He wasn't happy as he doesn't swim at that time of the morning,,,,,,,,....We then went back to Izzy's restaurant for breakfast. The queue was a mile long and he started to say this is ridiculous when My sister in law who owns it gave us a table without waiting. I paid for breakfast and saw some old friends. He doesn't seem to like it when I see other people and stop for a chat. Anyway we then went back to the beach and met the regulars who were all talking about their Xmas presents which had been a trip to Bali. Yes well that's what i thought I was getting I said. He then opened my beach bag and there were two hats in there. How come there is two he asked? Because everything you bought me I had already bought. So with a huff he lay back in the sand. Anyway as I was thinking to myself I want to go to Kythira not Bali and I have started saving with the money I get from the government each fortnight I am now hiding for me only.Not that I told him that. I also rang the flight centre to see how long you have to pay after the deposit and the girl laughed when I told her my name. I cant believe you still haven't got there she said. Yes I know I replied but unfortunately I have had to pay for Tilly to go to Brisbane,Sydney,Melbourne, Canberra and Paris and Isabelle to go to Cairns so not a lot left for mum I said. I would like t go for just a month this year as a trial to see if I like the place. Actually I have somewhere to stay in Kythira in exchange for painting the outside of the villa. How did that happen you ask? Well its a long story and I am in a shitty mood so will tell you tomorrow.

स्टील डे One

Its still day one and I ma so excited I have somehow managed to set this up as I am blonde when it comes to technology but one child is sick in bed with tonsilitis and the other, who normally would do this sort of stuff for me has gone into town for the Boxing Day Christmas Sales( could you think of anything worse when its 38 Degrees out side!)
So, I couldnt leave the sick one on her own, so I had to find do something to do sitting inside and it wasnt going to be housework and just quietly between you and me I snuck out earlier whilst Izzy was still home and went to the 1115 session of Julia adn Julia and it got me thinking that by doing what she did and being ........ about it it might help me get over my two addictions if I find something else to do and after all my 7 years were just about up and I had only 16 months to go so .....I thought why the hell not.
I had written dot dot dot in the earlier papragraph as I couldnt remember the word but I just remembwereed it it was DISCIPLINE> something I never have been able to do or have but over the past 5 years reading numerous self help books, listening to umpteen bloody hypnotherapy tapes I was still in a terrible relationship and drinking far too much wine and I realised I finally have to admit that yes I do have a problem and I am not allowing myself to go to Kythira with any problems so something has to be done soon. By setting up my site I have put off opening a bottle of bubbles for boxing day by about 4 hours so that to me is a very very good start. I wanted to have a good drink as our Christmas Day festivities got cut short by my youngest daughter Tillys trip to casualty with headache vomiting and a temp of 39.7 so although she comes first I still felt like I missed out on some bubbles yesterday. And as for the relationship side of things leading up to xmas has been a disaster as we both dont make each other happy but you cant really break up at xmas. I tried to last week but he begged me not to F@**8 up his xmas like he reckons I did last year so I relented, yet again, as I felt so guilty (see the self help books hadnt quite worked as yet,and we are acting like the last 4 weeks never happened and all is rosy but its not and I dont nknow if he just pretends but is is just because he knows I have always taken him back over the past tumultuous five long bloody years. I am the idiot but until this year I havent had any self eesteem what so ever thanks mum.......not " at this grand old age of 47. But beware.. no one knows i have been trying to find it and I just about think I have and people probably arent going to like it as they are used to me trying to please everyone and in that took many an emotional beating which I decide this year I couldnt take any more so here goes... I am going to Greece. Well not now but in 18 months on the Ist of July 2011..and from here on is The Road To Kythira...........

Day One

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